


Shipper Heaven

by PrettyMessedUpSituation (MarcelinesNightosphere)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Cain Ships It, Castiel Reads Fanfiction, Chuck Ships It, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dean and Amara Mention, Dialogue Heavy, Heaven, M/M, Masturbation, Mentioning of Rimming a Lot, Metatron Ships It, Pretty sure there's a poly relationship happening up in heaven, Sam Reads Fanfiction, Sam Ships It, The Author Regrets Everything, Threeway death scene, i'm so sorry pls don't read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 02:14:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5399048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarcelinesNightosphere/pseuds/PrettyMessedUpSituation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas finds AO3. When his favorite fanfic writer starts to write things that feel a little too close to real life, Cas begins to get suspicious. You won’t believe who the asshole is who is writing this shit. You won’t. God they’re an asshole. And AND they have an accomplice. Guess who it is? You’ll never guess. That wasn’t sarcasm you really won’t. I mean, if you look at the character list, I guess...fuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shipper Heaven

_Their eyes locked. It only took a brief touch, one fleeting moment of intimacy in a simple gesture. Cass’s eyes looked into Dean’s, sincere and utterly earnest. Dean was caught up in his gaze, unable to look away. A longing he’d had for years gripped him tighter than Castiel had nearly a decade ago._

Cas was six chapters into an unfinished 80k fic by AO3 writer godpoursashittybeer and hated how much he was enjoying it. Seeing Cas - well, himself - falling into such an obvious loving relationship with Dean was like living it. There was just enough angst to make his stomach ache, and just enough hope to keep him reading, looking forward to each chapter of their fic as it was written. While he was reading through the writer’s other works, this fic had been posted and was still being written. It didn’t seem like it was ever going to end, like it was chronicling the epic love story of Dean and Castiel in minute detail and would continue well after they finally vocalized their feelings for each other. He had started to blur lines between what was fic and what was reality. Had he actually curled up and slept in Dean’s bed while he and Sam were on a case or was that in godpoursashittybeer’s fic au where Cas was adjusting to being human and living in the bunker? Had Dean actually said he needed Cas or was that in the fic ‘Goodbye Stranger’? Sometimes he sent messages to Sam that probably sounded crazy.

_Sam did I make you and Dean sandwiches once?_

_Yeah, Cas. You did. Why?_

_But I never made you pancakes?_

_Um, no. Again, why?_

_No reason._

 

Cas drummed his fingers on the table. He flipped his laptop into tablet mode and moved to the bed, getting cozy under the covers.

_Dean was surprised when Cass leaned closer. He felt his eyelashes flutter and his face flushed with heat. His stomach dropped when he realized what was about to happen. Cass’s lips touched his so gently, a sensation that clashed with the immense power of a celestial being. The softness of the kiss melted him._

Despite being alone in his own room, Cas looked around the room and slunk down in the covers a little more, embarrassed. He kept reading. Chapter seven they avoided each other. Chapter eight there were glancing touches and blushing. Chapter nine left Cas blushing and giving himself glancing touches. Chapter ten Cas was experiencing the dirtiest moment of his existence. By himself under the cover of darkness, minus the glowing light of his screen, he rubbed one out reading fan fiction of himself fucking Dean.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Cas’s phone lit up. He had an email. godpoursashittybeer had posted chapter eighteen which was titled “Hello Darkness My Old Friend”. He scrunched his forehead. What a weird coincidence, he thought. He finished putting coffee in the coffeemaker and started it. Sam and Dean would be up soon. Cas couldn’t even wait to walk to his room to get his laptop - he just pulled up the next chapter on his phone and started scrolling.

Darkness set free on earth. Ancient evil. Sam having visions of the Cage. Dean kissing the Darkness in hot lady form.

Wait a minute.

Dean kissing the Darkness? But Dean is with Cas! That’s absurd. _Fic!Dean,_ of course. Not actual _in-real-life_ Dean, no, _HA_ that...no that never happened. Or did it? Cas was confusing canon and ...n o  not canon, _real life_ with fic again. What a nerd.

But this was just too strange. Cas was rabid in the fic. Rowena had put a spell on him. Check. Hannah was killed. Check. Still bullshit, but check. Cas escaped the bunker to hunt down Metatron. Check. They have their little faceoff. Check. Dean stops Cas from losing his shit on some girl and he beats the fuck out of Dean. Check. Cas was inexplicably missing for portions of the story that were co-written by author buckleming. Check. 

Something is up.

 

Cas approached Sam cautiously, afraid to even broach the subject. He practiced in his head. _Hello, Sam. I’ve been reading erotic Supernatural fanfiction and the plot feels a little too accurate to what is happening. We should check into it._ It sounded crazy. But he went for it.

“H-hello.”

Sam looked up at Cas. “Uh, hi Cas.”

“Hello, Sam. I’ve been reading erotic Supernatural fanfiction and the plot feels a little too accurate to what is happening.” Why did he include the erotic part? No one knows.

“I really, really did not need to know that...but I think I know the fic you’re talking about.”

“...really?” Did this mean that Sam was reading about Cas fucking Dean in his spare time?

“By bloodandcream?”

“No. User godpoursashittybeer. What fic were you reading?”

“Just something with Dean and Claire.”

“Dean and Claire? Sam that - _Sam_ , really?”

“It seemed like it wasn’t actually that far fetched. Anyway, so what’s happening in this fic you’re reading?”

“Why were you reading Dean and Claire slash?”

“Not important, Cas. What is the fic?”

 

Cas sent the link to Sam. He scrolled through the chapter Cas has just read, Cas looming over his shoulder the entire time, pointing out accurate things that happened.

“What the fuck.”

“Exactly my thoughts. Why does he spell my name Cass? There’s only one s. And why is Dean kissing Amara when this fic is obviously a Dean/Cas paring?”

Sam stared at Cas. “Seriously?

“But more importantly,” Cas added, trying to recover, “is this happening in real life? Is someone writing about us?”

“When’s the next chapter due out?”

“They have no publishing schedule, so it could be as early as tonight or in a week or so. January 20th is when they said they’d be back off hiatus in the author notes, but they never stick to hiatuses. We might get a few chapters between now and then.”

Sam clicked the subscribe button. “I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

“Sam?”

“Yes, Cas?”

“Please don’t tell Dean about the...erotic part.”

“Please don’t tell Dean about the Dean/Claire fic.”

“Agreed. I can’t look you in the eye right now.”

“Because of the slash I read, or me knowing about you reading about fucking my brother?”

Cas backed out of the room slowly, his eyes narrowed to tiny slits.

 

* * *

 

_Cass debated about bringing up Amara to Dean. He knew that Dean would defend her, deflect his accusations, even lie. The thought of it hurt him more than anything, but he wasn’t sure if he could go on with yet another unanswered question looming in the air. Cass swallowed, the words he tried to get out choking him._

_“What’s up, Cass?”_

_“Dean, is there something you’ve wanted to discuss with me?”_

_Dean was visibly unsettled. “No, Cass. Why?”_

_“I thought I meant more to you.” Cass’s eyes welled up._

_“What’d’ya mean? You - you and Sam - you’re everything to me.”_

_“Really, Dean? I thought I might have to face you with the Mark, that you would kill me and then your brother, but you were strong. You resisted. You fought. But here we are; you’re lying to me, straying, just as we finally were figuring out what it is that was between us, just to stand in front of us, protecting one of the darkest force we’ve ever faced. To see you fall this far -”_

_“What are you talking about?_ Amara? _”_

_“Yes. Dean, I’ve chosen you time and time again. You’re either with us or against us. Stand with us. Choose us. Choose me.”_

 

“This...is not cool,” Sam said, scrolling through the next chapter. “We need to talk to Dean.”

“That, and find out who the author is. Put a stop to this.”

“Last time someone was writing about us, they were a prophet.”

“There _are_ no prophets anymore.”

Sam sighed. “Then we really need to figure out who this is.” And then he added under his breath, “ _and ask them to write a Sam fic_.”

 

Dean looked over the top of the computer screen to Sam and Cas who were poised on the other side of the table, waiting intently, looking both expectant and ashamed.

“ _Choose us, choose me_? What is this some _Grey’s Anatomy_ shit? You read this?” he asked Cas. Cas nodded. “And you read this?” Sam shook his head. Cas kicked his foot. “Wait a minute, what does Explicit mean? What...relationship…” Dean mumbled as he scrolled up and scanned through the tags. Cas swallowed hard. “Angst? Friends to Lovers? _Rimming?_ ” Dean’s eyes grew large. “What. The fuck. Are you reading.”

“Destiel fanfiction,” Sam blurted out.

“He - **_Sam_ ** \- he read about you and _Claire_ ,” Cas accused, his finger pointing at Sam.

“You jerked off to smut of you fucking Dean!” Sam accused back.

“I never told you that! How could you possibly have known -”

“HA! Gotcha! You _do_ , don’t you?” Sam was giddy. “I knew it. I _knew_ it!”

“Everyone shut the fuck up!” Dean yelled. “What the fuck is happening?”

“Someone is writing about us and knows things that have happened or seem like they are going to happen -”

“And taking great artistic license with the material,” Cas added.

“- but the point is,” Sam continued, “they’re writing about us and we need something to do over hiatus. It's not like I'm in Lucifer's cage and you're in a random park not answering your phone or anything. We literally have nothing better to do."

“I think it’s obvious who is writing this,” Dean said.

Sam and Cas looked at each other and then back at Dean.

“How do you know who is writing this?” Sam asked.

“Who else spells Cas with two s’s?”

Sam and Cas looked blankly at each other. Sam shrugged. “I dunno, Dean, who?”

“Metatron. He had a to-do list in his pockets when I frisked him that time we brought him to the bunker. There was something about pizza in Chicago and ruin Cas’s life, but it was spelled _Cass_. What sense does that make? Cassiel, Cass, I get that, but Castiel, one s. Right?”

Sam looks into the camera like he’s on _The Office_.

“Okay not an important argument at the moment. Where would we find Metatron anyway, and why would he know all of these things that are happening?”

Cas fumed. “So you did kiss Amara.”

“I...fuck I don’t know, Cas it’s not...let’s just handle the prophetizing asspire and then later we’ll talk about the smut you’ve been reading.”

“Dean why do you keep adding ‘pire’ to the end of things?” Sam asked.

“He’s a life sucking entity, Sam, that’s why. Anything that sucks blood or life or...whatever - fucking pire of some sort and Metatron is the biggest asspire to exist in the history of ever.”

Sam rolled his eyes and looked to Cas. “Is he in heaven?”

“I’m fairly certain that I beat him to death. That’s definitely what happened. He couldn’t possibly still be alive and appearing in any more episodes because his plotline fell flat two seasons ago.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Let’s go. There’s surely a playground nearby where we can access the gates.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Sam, stop swinging on the monkey bars you fucking five year old!” Dean yelled. “Get over here.”

" _Dickpire_ ," Sam muttered under his breath.

Two goth-looking teenagers were hanging out in front of a jungle gym. Cas approached cautiously.

“I’m looking to access heaven.”

The girls looked at each other. “Listen, trenchcoat, I don’t know what kind of -”

"Cas! Get over here!"

"There's no portal. The only other plausible way to get into heaven is to kill each other."

"Cas that's insane."

"We've died so many times though, Dean. I'm sure we'll be fine." 

"What, like a circle jerk but with knives?"

"I have no idea what that means, but yes?"

"Fine. Well let's go into the woods so these kids don't see us whacking each other."

Sam glared. 

"You know what I mean!" 

Sam, Dean, and Cas walked into the woods and in a secluded spot, they held hands and stabbed each other in the heart at the same time.

They landed in a hallway in heaven. The hallway was long and white with doors, much like when Bobby broke out of his heaven to help - remember that? Neither do the writers.

Sam and Cas’s phones went off as soon as they were on their feet, letting them know they had a new email.

 

* * *

 

_Despite the familiar tension of possible betrayal brewing again between them, Cass couldn’t help but feel a longing for intimacy. He missed Dean’s touch, the sensation of his fingers drawing along his jaw, pulling Cass in for a kiss. He desperately wanted Dean’s lips to touch his, to feel his breath on his skin, to fall asleep with his arms wrapped around Dean, protecting him from anything in the world that might harm him._

Cas was uncomfortable. Watching Sam read his phone and Dean looking over his shoulder, his eyebrows getting higher with each sentence - it made Cas want to disappear. None of this had ever happened, but he couldn’t deny his curiosity, and seeing the actions written out made these quiet passing thoughts much more prominent in his mind. Dean cleared his throat and looked at Cas, and then his eyes darted away.

“Okay maybe it’s not a prophet. Maybe he’s just fucking with us.”

Cas stormed down the hall to a door that was obnoxiously decorated with a Keep Out sign. He didn’t bother knocking. Cas broke down the door, as he does, and found himself in the entry of an upscale house. Dean and Sam ran in behind him.

“Whoa. Lifestyles of the Rich and Douchey.”

They walked through the foyer and into the great room. The walls were white and pristine, and a huge stone-faced fireplace crackled in the center of the room, dividing the living area from the dining room and kitchen. Stairs led to a second floor. There was a thump in a door that was an offshoot of the great room and the three stormed through the door.

“What the -” Metatron said, standing up. He held a globe-shaped paperweight in his hands. “How did you three -”

“We know you’ve been writing about us,” Dean accused.

“Oh, really? Why would you think that in my spare time I would waste any words, let alone thoughts, on any of you three?”

“Is that so...godpoursashittybeer?” Sam said, his lips pursed and his eyebrow cocked as hard as his hip.

Metatron gasped. “How did you know?!”

“Cas isn’t spelled _Cass_ , you moron,” Dean said. Then he thought for a second. “Ca _ssssssss_. It makes more sense if you spell it. It’s C-a-s not C-a-s-s, you ass.”

“Aw, stealing your boyfriend’s lines. Do you know what it’s like seeing your work just practically played out in front of your eyes?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You two are just too much. I couldn’t help myself. But it wasn’t all me. I had help.”

“Hey Marv, I brought us some orange blossom tea with honey and - oh shit.”

Cas, Dean, and Sam stood agast.

Dean had a hard time choking out his name. “ _Cain_?”

“What are you three doing here?”

“Why are you wearing a man-bun?” Sam asked.

“I think the better question is why aren’t _you_ ,” Cain retorted.

“Why are you in heaven? How?” Dean asked.

“Marv liked the Cain/Collette storyline so much that he invited me to come stay with him and help him write to pass the time. I liked your and Cas’s relationship and once we got rolling - me doing the story, Marv doing the writing, and…” he stopped short. “Anyway. Tea?”

“You have to stop writing about us, especially like that,” Dean said.

“Does it strike a little bit true to your heart?” Cain asked, smiling way more than necessary. God he looked happy, and had fucking great hair too.

“Does it make you happy?” Sam asked. Cas and Dean looked at Sam like they’d been betrayed. “What? I mean, it’s just words. It’s not hurting anyone. And if this fic stuff makes you two finally realize that you’re into each other maybe it’s a good thing.”

Metatron and Cain looked expectant and excited, like they were holding their breath.

“Wh- _what_...what are you talking about _into_ each other?” Dean stuttered.

Sam softened his voice. “Dean.”

“I don’t...did you read that? The soft kissing and….”

“Dean.”

“I didn’t see the rest of the story but I most definitely saw rimming in the tags.”

“ _Dean_.”

“What. What so you think me and Cas should be together or something?”

Sam’s voice got even softer. His puppy-dog eyes were in full effect. “ ** _Dean_**.”

“What you think saying my name over and over I’m just going to say Okay yes okay OKAY fuck I okay FUCK okay I love Cas okay I fucking love Cas I’m not _in love_ with him but I love him alright shut the fuck up.”

Metatron and Cain looked like they were going to explode.

“Dean?” Cas said, his voice cracking.

“OKAY so mayBE _MAYBE_ the rimming stuck out to me because I’ve thought about it once or twice mAYBE I HAVE HAD THOUGHTS but _that._..what the fuck are you implying, that I’m gay?”

“No one said you were gay,” Sam said softly. “I think the story is tagged _bisexual Dean_ and _aromantic Dean_ which makes a lot of sense now that I think about it.”

Cain and Metatron nodded and silently high-fived each other. 

“What the fuck does that mean, that I like girls and guys and smell good?”

“No, not aromatic, _aromantic_. You don’t experience romantic attraction. You love people but...platonically.”

Dean thought for a moment. “Okay. I...I can see that. But I also smell good, right?”

Everyone nodded and murmured in positive agreement. The words _woody_ and _manly_ and _Young Marlon Brando-esque_ were muttered.

Another voice called out as someone stepped into the office. “Hey guys I thought - oh shit -”

“You too?!” Sam said. “Where the fuck have you been for six goddamned years?”

The newcomer stood there with a tray of food. “I...I brought snacks.”

“You didn’t think we came up with all of this on our own, did you?” Metatron said with a smile. He reminded Sam of Vizzini from The Princess Bride which made him want to punch his teeth in.

“Are you fucking kidding me Chuck?”

“H-hey Dean. How’s...how are things?” Chuck said, his voice cracking. 

“Things are fucking shitty Chuck. There’s the Darkness roaming the earth, I had the fucking Mark of Cain, that fucker over there killed me, I was a demon for a while, heaven was a fucking shitshow for a long, long time. Where the fuck have you been?”

“To be fair - I have been meditating and trying to learn how to stay out of things. Wrath sucked. I hated me when I was wrathful. I thought maybe if you just...worked it out amongst yourselves….”

“I _died!_ ” Dean yelled.

"Like that's new," Chuck joked.

“I became a demon!”

Sam looked angrily at him. “Do you know how many of our friends have been killed? How many plot lines have been dropped? And you couldn’t pop in and say hello?” 

“To be fair, again - I am admittedly a terrible writer and you got yourself into a lot of those situations.” Dean lunged at Chuck. Cas and Sam grabbed him and held him back. “Guys! Guys, come on. I made snacks!” He lifted the tray, near shaking. Dean relaxed and shrugged Sam and Cas’s hands off of him. He snatched a cracker with peppered salami and mozzarella hors d’oeuvre from the plate on Chuck’s tray and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth.

“Fis ish delishus,” he said with his mouth full.

“Thanks,” Chuck said. “It’s great at a wine-tasting.”

Dean held up a finger while he chewed. It took an inordinate amount of time because he'd shoved so much in his mouth. Sam looked impatient. “Get out of here with that shit,” Dean said after he swallowed. “This doesn’t negate the years of absence. You can’t buy my love with food.”

Everyone looked into the camera like they were on _The Office_.

“Since we’re airing grievances, can we please discuss why you kissed my sister?”

Dean’s face went red. “I did - no such - _she_ kissed _me_.”

“I know I’m just fucking with you. But don’t do that.”

“But wait, why are you helping """""Marv""""" and Cain write erotic fan fiction of Dean and Cas?” Sam asked.

“This is embarrassing,” Chuck said, setting the tray down on the desk. “What can I say? That’s where the story was going. I really liked your dynamic and you just kept standing closer and closer together and gazing into each other’s eyes - I didn’t mean for it to be like that initially, but you guys are just...you belong together. It’s a beautiful story, really - if I don’t say so myself.”

“You mean we - me and Cas - we’re supposed to end up.. _.together_? Like together-together?”

“ _Yes you like me but do you like me-like me?_ Jesus, Winchester,” Cain said. “Stop whining and kiss him.”

“Kiss him, kiss him, _kiss him_ ,” Metatron started chanting. Cain joined in, his teeth bared in a bright smile.

“I’m not gonna -”

Cas grabbed Dean’s arm and spun him around. He looked at him, his eyes dropping to his lips and back, registering the panic and excitement on his face as he kissed him. Tense at first, Dean relaxed when the room went silent and fell into the kiss. Everyone else fell away. A minute later, he was distracted by high-pitched squeals of joy coming from Cain and Metatron. Sam cleared his throat.

“This is great, guys, really, but now what do we do?”

“Beach vacation?” Dean suggested.

“As long as I get my own room.”

Dean turned to Chuck. “Mind dropping us in the Virgin Islands or something?”

“I know just the place,” Chuck said with a smile.

Dean flipped around to Cain and Metatron. “And you two - keep it clean.”

“I promise nothing,” Metatron said.

“After seeing your OTP kiss right in front of you? Yeah right.”

“What the fuck does -” Dean started, and then Chuck touched his shoulder and he was no longer in heaven.

 

Or maybe he was. Sam and Dean sat in chairs on the beach, their feet dug into the white sand. Cas walked up in board shorts and a white shirt, open and flowing in the breeze. He planted the green cooler in between them.

“Dad sent refreshments.” He opened the lid and there was beer and a variety of bite-sized food stuffs. He tipped Dean’s head back toward him and leaned down and kissed him.

“I’m going to reenact chapter seventeen tonight,” Cas whispered.

“I have no idea what that means, but I’m game,” Dean said.

Sam sighed and popped the tab on a beer. “I’m...getting a new hotel.”

**Author's Note:**

> What the fuck was this? you're probably asking yourself.  
> It's [this](http://spncoldesthits.tumblr.com/post/134052700890/have-you-ever-struggled-to-get-hits-on-ao3-in-the). That is what it is. 
> 
> Now that Coldest Hits is over, feel free to yell at me in the comments without guilt of giving me points. You guys are awesome.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Cas Reads Fanfiction (Tribute Fan Art - Comic Strip)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5411540) by [Angrysouffle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angrysouffle/pseuds/Angrysouffle)




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